Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Day One. Journal Entry

'I know sometimes you wonder how I'm doing or what I've been up to. You'll come here and read what I've written with the hopes of somehow feeling not so far away even though we have not been close in a very very long time. My words will reach you in places that are normally locked away and most of the time, you pretend that I've moved or perhaps you've created this fantasy that I'm in another place and I'm happy.
Most days I'm content. Others I rage, I cry or I withdraw.
Sometimes I reminisce about my past. Places will remind you of that. They carve out these hidden gems of memory and forgotten desires, dreams that never turn to wishes or they become the stories you never want to tell again for fear of 'remembering'.
The pain is sometimes swift. A dull ache a crass joke can smother temporarily. It lies dormant, a snake of dark cunning whispers, awaiting and biding its time to unleash. Suddenly. Inevitably.
There is no escape.
Instinctually, most reach for the needle of reprieve, the silver lining in any form. But, alas, how can we embrace the Light without paying homage to our Shadow.
On Day One, after the Winter Solstice, I am called to shed these thoughts from the conundrum that is my existence and yours for that matter.
I eagerly await your non response.
I know better now.
It is Here I relinquish the silence that carries my woes, my sorrows, my attachments, my nightmares, my struggles, my strife, my addictions, my unworthiness, my illusions, my suffering.
It is Here I acknowledge and honor these Truths.
It is Here I ask for assistance in releasing what no longer serves and to transmute my Shadow Parts with the Graceful Flame of Light.
From Crow to Dove to the Phoenix.
Death. Redemption. Arising from the ashes….
It is the Love from within, not the doubt or fear or shame of the Past, that fuels the inner flame of my Soul, Heart, Spirit, Self.
It is the lessons of this pain and Shadow that I have come to embrace my TrueSelf. It is through this acknowledgement and Full Acceptance of Who I Am and All That IS, I came to a plateau of Understanding and Peace.
And Gratitude. And more Love.
Within these roots of the deep Center Of Self, with the assistance of the God/dess, I embark on this next journey with renewed senses.
Open.
Radiating through the Fire.
Dancing on the Earth.
Listening to the Wind.
Becoming with the Ocean.
The Home we have longed for has always been Here.'