Saturday, April 11, 2015

sleep tonight

I find myself unable to sleep tonight. The chatter within is especially incessant. As I close my eyes, I am taken back to Saturday. That morning, our women's Lodge took place where nearly 40 sisters gathered. The different generations were represented as were the many nations. We laughed, we cried, we sang, we drummed. And through our Blood, Sweat, Tears and Spirits...this sacred ceremony deepened our connection to each other and ourselves...the stone people whispered to us, carrying the messages of our ancestors...reminding us again and again of Who We Are. Children of the Earth. Shining Stars of the Cosmos.
Tonight, in the silence of this hour, whilst I battle this insomnia I begin to question Everything. Doubt seeps in, crawling close as it often does. It is in moments like these, I think of our last Lodge...
As I lay there in the dirt, the heat covering me like a blanket, I wrestle with what brought me there. The struggles, the hurts, the patterns I'd like to break free from.
The Blackness Within merges with the darkness inside the Lodge and I find it challenging to breathe. My chest is heavy and I think, "Am I going to make it through this?" A question often asked inside and outside the Lodge.
Then, a Sister begins her song and everything is different. Our voices reach out and connect together like the branches of our Lodge. We sit together in this Circle, sharing from the Heart and become the Voice of many.
Even now, I can still hear the songs we sang that day. Sleep may not come but my Sisters are always with me and for that, I am forever grateful.