Monday, October 29, 2012

For Patrick..


Messages..

"My dog died."

That's the message I receive late one night.  I don't know how, but I could see my friend's face, pale and sad…his emotions hidden within the folds of his skin, the beard that covers half his face which is hiding a frown and the weariness I see inside the shadows of his green eyes.

I sense a restlessness and close my eyes, sending a silent message of comfort to my mourning friend.

He loves running and that's what he's doing the next time I see him.

I'm on one of my beach walks with my friend, MB.  I recognize him immediately and he stops to chat with us.

"Come give me a sweaty hug," I say with a grin.

He puts his arms around me and then wipes his forehead on the side of my face.

"Eww!"

He laughs and I step back laughing as well.  I like it when the darkness is at bay.  Now I understand a bit more why he enjoys running so much.  There's the endorphin high at the end, of course, but there's a freedom and release to it.  It's meditative.  Your mind becomes clear and you're aware of the entire connection.  To yourself.  To the Earth.  To your heartbeat.

He's gone, running down the pathway.  MB and I head towards the Pier.  In the midst of our conversation, I could feel the remnants of a story that's waiting to be told.  A gift.

On my way home, I see him running down Poli.  This time, I see a dog running next to him.  He's black and white with lots of fur…and he's got this happy dog grin that's contagious.

I turn down Chestnut and head home.  I photograph the image inside my head like a Polaroid picture and store it away for me…and for him.

We get together later that week for our regular movie night.  Not a date, not a nonchalant, superficial visit.  Just two people who enjoy each other's company with an under current of another story not ready to make its debut.

"Do you remember how MB and I saw you at the beach?"  I ask him after the credits for 'Goonies' fills the screen.

"Yeah.  That was unexpected."

I nod and say, "You were by yourself, but later as I was driving home, I saw you on Poli running with a dog."

"A dog?  What did it look like?" he asked with a careful tone.

I pull up the Polaroid picture in my mind and describe to him with as much detail as I can recall.

He's quiet for what seems like forever and sighs.  He's looking past me, out the window into the still night that holds his thoughts.  I'm looking at him, waiting for him to reply.

"I wonder…" he starts to say.

"You know, now that I think about it.  That dog looked like a younger version of Ned."

I remember going with him to his parent's house.  Ned, his dog, was so ecstatic to see him.  He was the only source of lightness and color in a monochromatic environment.

"But, it can't be…" he whispers.

"Maybe I was just seeing things.  I don't know.  Could've been some stray."  I interject.

"No.  It wasn't a stray.  The only dog that I would take running with me was Ned." 

"Well, maybe he wanted to run with you one more time…

Or maybe he'll be with you every time you run…and maybe you'll get to see him again…

If you pay attention..."

I smile at him when I say this and put my head on his shoulder.  I can see he's still looking out the window and we stay like that for hours…just listening to the night and the faint sounds of paws running on concrete.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Medusa - Facing The Mirror of Self


From The Temple of The Goddess

The Wheel of the Year spins and we come together to honor the turning of the seasons and the Earth's never-ending cycles of life. We remember, and honor, our beloved ancestors and the lives they lived.  

We remind ourselves it is time to Slow Down and synchronize our internal rhythms with the rhythm of the Earth. As we prepare ourselves for the coming dark of winter, we honor those who have gone before us and connect to the healing power of the Earth.  

In this year of change we seek guidance and wisdom . . . not just the inevitability of change but how we approach, embrace, and integrate change into our lives. As we, once again, begin our descent into the season of winter and prepare ourselves for the coming dark, we give thanks for the bounty of the Earth's harvest that will carry us through the dark times and into the rebirth of Spring.  

Upon entering the mythic realm, we courageously face our fear in the form and countenance of the horrifically mythic, and feared, MEDUSA.  

This Hallows Eve, as we stalk our fears, grasping our courage and the all encompassing power of change, we remember and call forth the myth of Medusa. You think you know her story . . . a scary, evil woman with snakes as hair who turns people to stone?  

Medusa, a mythic Goddess, one of the many stories of the feminine that got turned upside down. Medusa's name in Greek, means Guardian and Protectress.  How has She been protecting you? 

Snakes in Ancient Greece were a symbol of change, rebirth, and power. Beautiful Medusa, with serpents coming out of her head, turns us to stone . . . marble, and dares us to slow down and face our greatest fears because that is where our power lies.  
    
Meeting Medusa is an opportunity for you, for all of us, to go within, look into that most frightening place of all, the Mirror of Self, and face that which frightens us most. There are critical, archetypal times in our lives when the Spirit of Medusa calls to us, calls us to change, to grow, to be more than we ever dreamed we could be.

~~~~

I received this in my in box today and felt such a resonance with it I felt compelled to share it here.  Like so many feminine archetypes, Medusa was demonized and viewed as a monster in some myths.  However, when you look to her as a means of experiencing your spiritual journey metaphorically, her presence becomes one of strength, courage and protection.

The above passage on Medusa rings true for me on a different level as well.  Being born with the name Athena, comes with much regard and mythical connotations.  It seems as though I was destined to be exposed to mythology and to have a deep seeded connection to the Goddess.

She comes in many forms and speaks at the most opportune times.

Perhaps this is Her way of guiding me...to be unafraid of facing my fears, to persevere...

To Answer The Call...

To Face The Mirror of MySelf...



Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Je t'aime, Paris.

Journal entry June 29, 2012

Bisous.

Which means kisses in French. A form of greeting and farewell, here in Paris, is a kiss on each cheek. My first night in Paris and I'm in love. Head over heels in love with a city that seems to ooze creativity and romance at the same time.

Whilst walking the streets at night with my host, Javier, the summer warmth finally making its presence known...people came out to celebrate, to sing, to play music, to smoke...couples kissed on park benches and on bridges.  We wandered about aimlessly, with no destination in mind.  The Eiffel Tower and its amber glow of lights began to sparkle like a million fairies doing a sporadic dance.  We crossed bridges.     We walked along the Seine.  I heard music and wanted to investigate so we followed our ears and descended down towards the water.  There were people sitting along the side, close to the edge where the water lapped softly against the stone.  There were groups sitting on blankets, food and wine spread, the billowing smoke from their cigarettes casting a mystical but merry scene.  The brass from the instruments of the band, glittering and winking as the musicians played their parts, coupled with the joyous sounds of their song added even more life to the festivities of the evening.

There were so many moments I wanted to capture forever but my eyes and memories are far better than a photo can ever hope to convey.

I felt a twinge, a pang of...I don't know...regret perhaps.  Paris really is the City for Lovers and I had a moment where I wanted things to be different...envisioning a romantic stroll with my Beloved and the fantasy was dispelled by my cruel reality.  Alone.  Single.  And IN PARIS.

*sigh*

What torture!

Yet, I persevered (cue sarcasm please)! And the first night wasn't a complete tragedy.  My inner optimism and sunny disposition (of course) won out.  I counted my blessings.  I repeated my mantras of Gratitude.

I am grateful for my journey..
I am grateful for my awareness...
I am grateful for my lessons...
Even though, at times, they leave me weeping into an empty container of vegan chocolate ice cream...preferably the coconut hazelnut one....

:0)

Don't get me wrong! I am learning to love where I'm at but there are days when I have this HUGE question mark hovering above my head and I just have to yell out loud: What The Fuck?!

But, don't let me spoil your plans on visiting Paris.

Avec partner or sans one...

It's worth it.  Even if you just have one day...

This whole journey and intention for going on this crazy adventure is to see what exactly I am made of.

If I can survive,
live my life
and be happy
with
Just Me...

And you know what?

I found that I could.

Bien sur....